Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
