I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize