new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
