I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
