she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize