i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
