with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
