It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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