Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
