Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
