yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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