I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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