It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
