rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Come share oat with me in your robe
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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