I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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