Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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