Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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