I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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