Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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