it was like his penis was on wheels.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize