I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
