i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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