you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't turn off my feet"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
