Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
