did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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