I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
