Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
