If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize