what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
