i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
