Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
