someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
