i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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