I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
