I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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