do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize