Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I need to sanitize my soul.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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