we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
