I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
