a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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