She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
