I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
