your parents love me but you hate me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize