if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
