Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
