Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
