If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
