Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
