I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
