i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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