I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
not ubering you a puppy
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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