you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
