If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize