I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
