just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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