She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize