She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
