what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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