you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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