No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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