I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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