I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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