i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
