Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You're completely useless in the revolution.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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