that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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