I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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