I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
