We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize