Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I want a musical about memes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
