you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize