Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
