Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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